Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City

I heard people bash this game because it was buggy as hell, that your AI teammates kill you with grenades constantly or the nanosecond you get infected, but the truth is, I don’t know what alpha version they got, because they don’t do that in my game. I’ve been infected many times and they haven’t put a bullet in my brainpan for it. They do throw grenades, but only idiots fail to see the grenade warning indicator and if they do see that, common sense says duck and cover and even then I don’t think frags have friendly fire. Incendiaries do, but frags? I lobbed one in a pile of zombies and Vector and he was just fine. The only bug I encountered was that Bertha tried to go through a door that did not lead anywhere and she would not budge from there, barring me from progressing through the level. Thankfully, there was a wall of fire there and the checkpoint was in the very same room so I just threw poor Four Eyes into the inferno and got on with it.

As for the game itself, well, it’s a third-person co-op shooter. We’ve seen those before, but not with a Resident Evil twist and I like it. A “what if” scenario, you get to alter the course of Resident Evil history from the second game onwards. That’s pretty neat.

Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City isn’t an exceptional game for the common man, but I got it frankly because I’m a sucker for Resident Evil, especially if it has anything to do with Raccoon City. Hell, I have Resident Evil Outbreak File #1 even though its European release doesn’t even have the multiplayer component. When playing RE:ORC, me and a friend who is also a diehard fan of the old Resident Evils got to the R.P.D., we got giddy as fuck just from seeing the water cistern that’s on top of the station. That is the power of nostalgia. I’d say it’s the same as Zelda or Mario for other gamers, they don’t give a shit the games aren’t all that good or new, they just like the nostalgia of playing a game linked to those favourites from childhood.

Don’t get me wrong the Resident Evil live action movies are some of the most horrible drivel ever put on film, in my humble opinion, even if they have Resident Evil in the title and second one took place in Raccoon City, they’re still unimaginably shitty.

Mass Effect 3

So I got over myself and played through Mass Effect 3.

And boy.

If you’ve heard the endings for Mass Effect 3 are bullshit, they are. I know I’m jumping the gun here, going straight to the end, but those endings were crap! Not spoiling, but they throw this Deus Ex type choose from multiple (3) different endings that have different outcomes, but they have one thing in common, it always occurs, and this will be the only spoiler: the galactic civilization ceases to exist.

There is a theory out there. That the ending sequence was a hallucination. The theory is something very similar to that of the one surrounding Final Fantasy VIII’s second half. Play the sequence with that in mind, you’ll be surprised how it fits. Of course if it is true, BioWare will pull off the most sinister application of DLC ever. To get the true ending to one of the best series ever, buy the DLC.

That could just be a pipe dream, something that desperate fans try to cling on to in the face of an immensely disappointing end to something they’ve invested literally hours and technically years of their lives. I’m hoping it is not a pipe dream and I hope BioWare has the decency, if this theory proves true, that the DLC will be free at least for those with the online pass.

If it is just desperation however, I applaud BioWare for taking a very daring path, I am damn sure they knew they’d take some flak for this. We did not see these endings coming and they were quite new. I’m not saying I like them, though. All the good you did in the galaxy, all of that for nothing. Not really cool. Also, the game throws in concepts at the very last minute that are very hard to swallow, things never before mentioned or even hinted at before in the series. They just slam it in your face: this is how it is, deal with it. One of these concepts is not a matter of lore or universe, but quite mechanical: they remove the main point of Mass Effect at the end. The consequences of your actions by giving you basically a bad end no matter what you choose.

[SPOILERS  Here’s what happens: You find what controls the Reapers. What it is is unknown. It just is there. Then you get to choose between attempting to take control of the Reapers, destroying them or merging all life, organic and synthetic, creating a new order of life. What all of these have in common is that the Crucible, the device that enables you these three options, destroys each and every mass relay in the process, effectively killing the galactic society. Then you see the Normandy was in transit through a relay, but the collapsing network catches up to them and it is seemingly destroyed. Afterwards, the Normandy’s wreckage is on a verdant planet and the airlock opens and out comes Joker and I would guess your love interest and one random squad member to inspect the planet. After the credits, a man and a child are taking a walk in a wooded area on some alien planet and the child asks if “all that happened” to which the man responds yes, but some details have been lost to time. The child then asks to hear another story about “the Shepard.” After this, if your galactic readiness was high enough and you chose to destroy the Reapers, another CGI cutscene starts: it depicts concrete rubble, same type that was in London before Harbinger’s laser hit Shepard and you see a marine with N7 dog tags lying amidst the rubble and then the marine gasps for air. This might be the setup for the theory mentioned above. SPOILERS END]

As for the gameplay, well, it’s ok. It’s not better than in Mass Effect 2. The camera behind Shepard is incredibly wobbly, where as the one in Mass Effect 2 stoutly followed Shepard. That’s about all I can think of.

Moving on, the characters were great in this. The interaction between your squad members was a joy to see and gave you, the player, a great sense of immersion, those guys who follow you around aren’t just the guys with overload and warp, but they also speak to one another. There is one thing though. Why did BioWare give EDI a sexy robot body? Yes, it is sexy, you’d have to be insane not to acknowledge that, but the question is: why? Did the body have to be sexy? I don’t know if I’m complaining, but sometimes it was hard to take the character seriously when you find yourself staring at robot tits. Enormous, shapely tits.

Ahem.

All the “assets” EDI’s body possessed could be explained away by its original function being an infiltration unit. Not the stealthy, cloaking type, but the one with a disguise. Somehow I think Eva Core, the name of the body’s original AI, wasn’t hired for talent but literally for her ass. In Mass Effect 2, EDI was a hologram of a sphere with a cylinder-thing and a ring around the cylinder. You had to judge the character based on its actions, not because it had a human face, ginormous tits and a great ass. It tested your view of what’s alive and what isn’t. It’s easier to go for the former because it looks human.

We’ll see what happens in the coming months. Whether or not BioWare gives us a “true” end as DLC or what we see is what we get. The series, as I see it, is over in any case. They did slap Halo with a defibrillator after 3 so I don’t know. We’ll see.

First Impressions: Mass Effect 3

The game doesn’t allow me to import my Shepard. Says it can’t determine the identity code and the identity code I worked out in the demo doesn’t work either, ergo, I can’t play this game.

Thank you for putting out an untested piece of garbage and ruining my experience before it even started, BioWare.

I guess I’m off to play Skyrim ’til you guys fix this fuck up.

Mass Effect 3 Demo

So they released a demo for Mass Effect 3 today or yesterday depending on your perspective, though why you would ever release a demo for an RPG I don’t know. Then again, it might be because Mass Effect 3 is a third-person action game rather than an RPG. The worst part is, they actually aimed for this. You wanted Call of Duty’s audience, eh, BioWare? Well, it shows.

First off, you can choose “action” mode which toggles off interactive conversations and makes them plain cutscenes. Now this presents a serious problem. I am assuming you choose to be either renegade or paragon at some point in the beginning and thus, the ‘choice’ of conversation in the role-playing mode is limited to these two options; why would they bother record or even write anything else. This breaks the back of the whole idea of role-playing. Instead of playing a role how you choose, you must be one of two alignments. And the only choices in the demo were just how much of a dick you are to characters, but with the exact same outcome. Not only that, Shepard talks to him/herself way too much without you getting to choose what s/he says and when he/she does, they have the exact same dialogue, very assholey dialogue at that, regardless if you are a paragon.

I cannot comprehend this. Did someone pick up Mass Effect 1 or 2 and think: “Oh, this must be a good shooter, because every game is and should be.” then realize it’s full of brain-hurting choices? So they had to make it more simple for the casual gamer to get into it. And because they want Call of Duty’s audience, let’s tack on another goddamn multiplayer. Oh god, why?

The multiplayer. I’ll be honest. It’s bland, boring and uninspired. For whom was this component made? Certainly not for a fan, no. So who then? It’s a horde mode, so it’s not like a casual gamer would be interested. That’s about it.

The combat, the apparent meat and gravy of Mass Effect 3. It felt like it was hardly holding together, like someone had taken a piece of bluetack and stuck the game together. The animations are wonky and I didn’t much care for the blocks for health/armor/shield/barrier, because a flashing block hardly tells me I’m doing damage. A single bar that depletes is much preferred. Also, the big mecha you had me fight in the end of the demo? Nice, but like I have said before, if you gotta throw in adds to make the boss more challenging: go back to the drawing board. The game is also laughably easy even on hardcore. Normal mode, the “new veteran” is a walk in the park.

Also, I hope when I do transfer my character, he doesn’t end up looking like a caricature of some politician. The identity code system does not work. And yes I will buy this. Regrettably. I don’t have high hopes for Mass Effect 3. A shame really. The first one was such a good game.

And BioWare, why did you make Wrex into an idiot?

The Best and Worst of 2011

Everyone does these, I shall be no different. And I am fully aware it’s pushing near February.

The best games of 2011 were the following and they are in no particular order of better-ness:

Gears of War 3

Simply put a marvelous game with solid gameplay, great if a bit deus-ex-machinima-esque story and a lot of content. It is a blast to play this game, even against bots. Unlike a certain game released in the September of 2010, this game has held together better, though it is in a dire need of a touch-up. Nerf Hammerburst, thank you.

Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

Being a massive fan of the 40k universe, there was absolutely no possible way I would not buy and absolutely love this game. It was a good effort from Relic, what with Space Marine being their first game that has nothing to with the word “strategy”. The downside is the inherent limitations of the 40k universe; the story can go only so many ways without it being totally unfeasible within the lore. The multiplayer is also extremely fun; it makes you want to pick up the mic and yell “FOR THE EMPEROR!” as I mow the traitors down as my Dark Angels Space Marine or “SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!” as I slaughter the lap-dogs of the false-Emperor as my Red Corsair Traitor Legionnaire.

Dead Space 2

The sequel to one of the best games of this generation, a game that could maybe sometimes when viewed from a bizarre perspective be called a survival horror, and it shows. It tries to do its very best to be more of everything than its predecessor. And this makes it a good, enjoyable game to play with an interesting narrative. Sadly, this meant that they had to drop all pretense and simply be a third-person action game with flesh-goop enemies.

That about wraps up the better games of 2011, so now we get to the scum at the bottom of the barrel. These are, once again, in no particular order of worse-ness.

Dragon Age II

A disappointing, lazy piece of shit. It felt like an insult to fans of the original. Rushed beyond words. Perhaps a sign of the future? Perhaps what we are looking at in Dragon Age II is what Mass Effect 3 will be and not just that, but each and every BioWare afterwards? Everything about the game was wrong in some way. The story was a clear sequel bait, with nothing actually happening during the entire length of the game and only at the end did something occur. Something that would have begun other games. Truth be told, Mass Effect 2 was exactly the same, even if only story-wise and no one, living or dead, can deny that. The gameplay was uninspired, a total removal from the slow-paced, tactical old-school western RPG schtick from Origins. Make way for anime-esque huge swords, enemies exploding in a shower of gore for no reason whatsoever. And also, the game was quite the sausage fest. I want Morrigan.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Incredibly bland and boring, exactly like every other game Bethesda has made in recent history. It is Oblivion with a few mods worked into the game itself. Nothing special and did I mention it was bland and boring? But then again, only idiots expected more from this game.

Dead Island

A severe disappointment after such a hushed and not to mention long development. While the combat was ok, the game just felt wonky and the focus was way too obviously on the co-op, more specifically, it tried to be too much like Borderlands. The setting, while interesting, was not used to its fullest extent. A major problem was the simple fact that it did not feel like I had to do much ‘surviving’ in the game. I never ran out of supplies or weapons. There was never a need to seek shelter from the undead and the most you ever came across were four or five at maximum. Nothing a deadly stick could not handle. And why was there no day and night cycle? That’s elementary in a game such as this.

There were a lot of games that did not make the list, mostly because I simply liked/hated them, but could not put my finger on why.

Acquisition: GameCube and a Pile of Games

I recently bought the HD versions of both Resident Evil 4 and Resident Evil: Code Veronica X from Xbox Live and upon completing the latter, I was left with a craving for more authentic, old-school Resident Evil. To remedy my problem, I had only two options, I could either play Resident Evil 2 again for what must be the fifth time over or I could do something drastic: get a GameCube along with the Resident Evil remake and Resident Evil Zero.

I chose to go with the GameCube. I am aware you can get both of the games mentioned for the Wii, but I refuse to buy one. And besides, the GameCube cost me only 25 euros and it is in perfect working condition as are the two controllers and memory card I got with it.

As for the console and its peripherals, I can only say this: this is the reason why I don’t like Nintendo. For some reason, they must always make their hardware look just utterly horrible. I wonder if the design choice of making the GameCube a small cube affect its potential performance. The GameCube wasn’t as great as the original Xbox, it still beats the Playstation 2 easily, but could it have been better if they didn’t make the choice to make it more appealing to the more casual consumer? The controller is just fucking stupid. Outwardly, it just looks like a baby’s toy, it really does. The ‘trigger’ buttons have this weird threshold when pressed down fully give out this annoying plastic clank. The face buttons are just all over the place and they’re all different shapes and sizes, the d-pad fits under my thumb completely and the controller has only one shoulder button, why not two? The most annoying aspect of the controller is the fact that the analog sticks have octagon-shaped holes that are, of all things, askew. You simply cannot point the stick forward, the octagon prevents you from doing that, causing the stick to point ever so slightly to the right. The octagon also makes it hell to maneuver in Resident Evil.

And on that note, let’s get to the games. First and foremost, why on earth were these games never ported to the Ps2 or even the Xbox? Both games sold between 1.25 to 1.35 million units. Which is quite a few, but couldn’t they have gotten more money, something companies ought to want, if they just had released them on more platforms? I mentioned how these games are available on the Wii, but to my knowledge, they are merely ports of the original GameCube versions and not HD revamps that RE4 and RE:CVX were. Why not make HD versions of REmake and RE:Z too? I would have bought them, day one.

The games themselves, these are the ultimate Resident Evil games there probably ever will be. The original format of survival horror the newer games have sadly all but abandoned is at its apex here. The graphics are amazing considering that they are only a couple of months south of turning ten years old. The pre-rendered environments are a must in the franchise, and they look awesome. The character models are also extremely good and the animations are fluid and they feel dynamic; zombies falling down dead is very pleasing to see.

Just a rotten shame Capcom didn’t keep this going. Maybe because they didn’t release these games on multiple platforms led them to stop making survival horror and go toward the piece of shit that is Resident Evil 5. It would have been sublime to play a true high-definition yet old-school Resident Evil.

Oh well, I guess it’s pointless to mourn for the unique experience a proper Resident Evil brings and seeing as the genre itself is dead, I look forward to the Silent Hill HD Collection.

Shadows of the Damned

Shadows of the Damned is the oddest, the most bizarre game I have played in a long, long while. What is it? Think Resident Evil 4 or Dead Space on acid and filled to the brim with crass humour. And it is fucking amazing.

The over-the-shoulder gameplay is nothing special today and this game brings nothing new to the table, but what’s there works fine. You shoot a demon in the face, you shoot a demon in the face as long as you line up the laser sight with said face. Enemy variety is quite sufficient, considering the game’s lenght of around 7-8 hours. The game also features the mechanic of darkness. In the darkness you slowly take damage and enemies are invulnerable. To repel the darkness you shoot goats heads with candles on top of them hanging from nearby walls. You can also upgrade your weapons and health with red gems you find either through exploration or from Christopher, your obligatory salesman. Weapons also receive updates through the story that adds or changes the weapons functions. For example, your “shotgun” gains the ability to fire four skulls, its ammunition, as a charged shot.  Just remember, do not waste all your red gems on the machine gun that shoots teeth. The game will fuck the gun up and make your pin-point accurate full-auto demon killer into something god-awfully bad that is only good for boss battles. And not because it does more damage, no, but because the last update adds a lock-on feature. Against mobs, totally useless. Go with the Boner.

Where this game shines is its over-the-top, rather immature world. The kind where if you think something a character said or did is a dick joke, it is. Somehow reminds me of Bulletstorm. You play as Garcia Hotspur, whose middle name may very well be Fucking as he proclaims at least twice during the game. He is almost every stereotype of a hispanic man rolled up into one. Also, he wears a purple jacket and is voiced by Steve Blum, so the connection to Bulletstorm is obvious. His sidekick is an ex-demon-turned-floating-skull-that-turns-into-weapons named Johnson, pun intended. The chemistry between these two characters is excellent and is one of the better parts of the game. Also, the checkpoint marker in the game is a flying eyeball that when you go near it, it shits a flaming, smoking turd. You can see it is a bit immature.

The game begins with Garcia’s girl being kidnapped by the lord of Demons, Fleming. Garcia and Johnson go to Hell itself to get Paula, Garcia’s girlfriend back. In Hell, Garcia discovers that Paula is being killed over and over again, while Garcia is unable to help her. During the course of the game, Paula gets ripped to shreds, crushed under a huge bell, eaten, shot and drowned. And she wears quite enticing lingerie the whole time. One could say something about something, but honestly, this is a game and in the game they are in Hell. Shit happens. Oh yeah, spoilers, but turns out Paula is a demon herself and she was Fleming’s concubine before escaping and being found in a dumpster by our intrepid hero. In the end though, Garcia gets her back, even with her being demonic and all, but Garcia realises that there will always be demons after them. That sums up the story.

Now, I do have some issues, like the afore-mentioned machine gun fuck up. The final boss has adds. For the love of god, don’t put adds in final bosses! If you can’t make the boss itself challenging so you have to throw in extra mobs, go back to the drawing board. Nobody likes adds. Another thing is that ammo is in quite short supply so you’ll be running around a circle during some boss battles, picking up the regenerating ammo pick ups. Other than that, the game is ridiculously easy. I got through the game with using only sake, the weakest of the health restoring boozes. I only died on the parts where you actually have to run away from Paula, since touching her is instant death.

So, to finish up, Shadows of the Damned is a lot of fun if you can laugh with it, because if you can’t get over yourself while playing it, you’ll absolutely hate it. It also featured the most “interesting” way ever to get across a chasm. You walk on a giant, topless girl. Both up the front, through a type of “valley” and down a very shapely back. I actually got stuck on her buttocks. Nearly died as it was in the darkness, but oh what a death it would have been.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

Before I get into a rant about how buying this game pushes gaming deeper down into the black, dank hole of annualized franchises, I got this game for my birthday a few weeks back. I take comfort in the fact that it wasn’t my money Activision and Bobby Kotick got their grubby hands on. But since I liked Call of Duty 4 and played Modern Warfare 2, I gave this game a chance.

The campaign was so much better than the previous installment. It had no far-fetched invasions or nukes used as EMPs. What it had was a lot of killing off characters. I don’t want to spoil much, like the fact that Soap dies, but the ending doesn’t really leave room for continuation. No fucking chance that preventing them from cranking out Modern Warfare 4? But who’d be the bad guys? Seeing the preposterous invasion of the US by Russia, mind you they came from the east over the Atlantic basically suggesting they forgot that us Europeans are between them and the States, why not have Australia conquer the world? They might be irked that we make fun of their vegemite and tendency to yell out “crickey” every sentence, which is totally true by the way. We’ll most likely find that out in 2013.

The multiplayer. Well, it’s CoD4/WaW/MW2/BlOps all over again. They have changed things about, though. Can’t say yay or nay for Black Ops since I never played it though a friend did say it has a different system, but I honestly hate the fact that they give you the worst guns to start out with and you unlock the guns you want to use, the m14 for instance, at the latter levels. One thing I love though, the support strike package. In previous installments, I barely got the UAV with the killstreaks let alone the attack choppers and airstrikes, but now I can just kill and be assured I’ll get something, like an EMP or stealth airstrike. Also akimbo weapons and the Striker shotgun are ridiculously overpowered.

The multiplayer was a nice distraction from the fact that Gears 3 has the ultimate overpowered weapon in recent memory, the Hammerburst. Immense damage output that is accurate as shit with no glaring downsides. And fuck skill, it’s broken. Try downing someone with the Retro Lancer on the other side of Sandbar.

But getting serious. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 is just a rehashed Call of Duty 4. You simply cannot point at the game and say, “this is something new,” because it is not.

If you want this game, give Activision, Bobby K. and the way they want the game industry to go the finger and buy used or failing that buy it without tax. Thank you Ahvenanmaa. You can sleep easier by doing so.

First Impressions: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Let me get one thing straight. I do not think Bethesda makes extraordinary games. They make games you play for a hundred hours for a reason I can’t explain. Can you really say Fallout 3 or, god forbid, Oblivion is good. They’re bland. Fallout 3’s map is just a square filled with nothing while Oblivion is nothing but a forest filled to the brim, the absolute fucking brim, with ancient ruins and you never get anything worthwhile from them, thanks to chests locked down better than the vault in Die Hard that contain only two gold coins and a ball of yarn. Enemies are dumb and so is the plot. In both games mind you. There are only as many weapons as there are tiers and magical weapons are just your stock steel swords with a blue shader on it. Spells have only a handful of visual effects. Speaking of visuals, both games look like ass. Characters are some form of humanoid life-forms and your own character is the king of the freaks, thanks to the character editor. I could go on, but this is not about how those games aren’t as good as people say. And to say a game is good because it can be modded, I know there are good mods out there that make even Oblivion fun, but that is not a point in its favour in any shape, form or size.

This is about how I fear Skyrim will not be any different.

The game opens up and you are a prisoner, again. Nice to see Bethesda trying something new. You see that the game looks like Oblivion/Fallout 3. That is not a good sign. There’s a lot of jabberwocky before you get to move. Now you’ve got to dodge Puff the Magic Dragon and finally, finally you get to kill. And it’s not any different from Oblivion. I hacked my Stormcloak friends to bits with my axe/mace combo before the doggone Imperials set their sights on me. Oh shit, that guy’s swinging his sword! Block, block you damn reptilian, block! No, don’t do a power attack! Oh, he’s dead. Damn Imperials, always trying to oppress… wait. I can’t block while dual wielding. That is bullshit. Oh, I got spells? Cool, I can throw fire from both hands.

Basically that’s all you need to know about this game. It’s Oblivion, maybe Oblivion +1.

Have fun.

Dead Island

Dead Island, developed by Techland, published by Deep Silver. What is it? Well, it’s Borderlands with zombies, I’m not going to deny that. Is it more than that?

Not really.

The beginning in the hotel was amazing. It did seem that there had been utter chaos some time ago, before your character wakes up after a night of partying of course. The lights were out, so it was almost pitch black, luggage strewn about. You felt somewhat apprehended, you knew there were zombies around, you had only heard them at best.

Then the proverbial ball is dropped. A cutscene later you’re in a beach-side bungalow and it’s broad daylight. After that, it’s just wandering around the resort collecting deadly sticks from dead zombies to make more dead zombies. Or finding champagne for that annoying Russian in the ass-end of the island.

Gameplay? Well. It works. Can’t really say anything about it.

I didn’t get to try it with friends, but I’m guessing it would’ve been even easier than it was. I was spared from the wonky character animations, though.

The story was your standard zombie virus shtick. Also, implied rape warning.

That’s it. Not much else to say.